Martin

"In 2010, various events in my life led to me drinking heavily. I began to get very depressed and my drinking spiralled. I lost all respect for myself both as a man and as a husband. I tried AA & also ADAC, but nothing worked. My wife tried to make me stop. My youngest daughter disowned me as a lost cause. I don't blame her. 

In October 2012, my wife and her mother decided that I should leave our home. I had a nervous breakdown. I had lots of time off  work and was eventually dismissed. I was being sick frequently and suffering terrible paranoia. I was living in a horrible bedsit which didn't help so my drinking increased further. 

It was at this point that I attempted suicide. I didn't want to kill myself, I just wanted somebody to help me. My strength had gone, to the extent that I struggled to stand up and had become largely incontinent. In June 2014 I was taken into a hospice for end-of-life care. My liver failed and I was put into a medical coma for 6 weeks. My family were told there was no more that they could do, so they woke me up for my daughters to have their last hug with me. They discharged me with 2 days to live. 

Somehow, I survived so I started giving myself small tasks as I had to keep mentally active. I also started to take small steps in my room. Over the following weeks I pushed myself as far as it was possible through pain, heartache and many tears but I wouldn't give up. Then one day in December 2014 I decided to leave my room and venture to the other end of the building. Four months later I played a full round of golf (very badly) but I made it all the way round.  

A year later, I moved out of the care home and began my recovery journey. It had many ups and downs, but I knew I had to stay off the drink or I would die. I took up meditation which was extremely useful. I rediscovered the determination that had been missing for so long and began to engage with everything that was available, including veteran support service, Outside The Wire, from The Matthew Project. 

My veteran support worker Justin became really important to me and I studied over 150 online courses during lockdown. This led to me getting volunteering positions with local organisations, ranging from being an appropriate adult for West Norfolk Police to becoming a mentor to young people with addiction issues. 

I have to say as I write this that I have never in my life been as strong both mentally and emotionally as I am now. I believe that I have a great future in front of me with my support network through Outside The Wire. The other veterans have become so important to me. There are still dark times, but with what I have learned I can get through things, knowing that I have people to speak with if I need to."