Richard
The Photographer
"I first started using drugs when I was 13. I was hanging around with older people and did it because I thought I'd fit in better and look cool. I never really thought of myself having a drug addiction as I didn't have a particular drug of choice, I just liked to party a lot.
For years it worked out well (or so I told myself) but around me, everything was starting to fall apart. I didn't see any of this because I was always high on something like weed, cocaine or alcohol. I had a mortgage, a partner and two children. I started to use coke more until understandably my partner kicked me out. It was at this point everything spiralled. I got heavier into dealing and my usage went completely out of control. But I still didn't recognise I was an addict because I could afford it.
The addiction in me made me think that dealing was okay as it was the only way I knew of making money. But facing all the destruction and hurt I'd caused my children and the fact I couldn't see them led to the only coping mechanism I knew, which was taking drugs to forget. All the time my children were getting older, and the gap was getting bigger and bigger.
People talk about rock bottom and that you have to hit it to change. It’s a horrible place to find yourself I should know; I've done it twice now. The first time was when I had a spell with crack and heroin and eventually found myself homeless and waking up in a wheelie bin around the back of a bakers. In the morning, I was woken up by a cleaner throwing a rubbish bag in and it landing on top of me. I froze and just laid there still, praying that he didn't see me. The second time was when my sister committed suicide. I thought about suicide too and attempted it a few times until I ended up in hospital after hanging myself. I knew this was it, I either carry on until I was dead or change my life. Then I was told about the Next Steps Recovery Support Programme by The Matthew Project.
I visited their centre, and from the minute I walked in and was greeted by staff, I could tell it was different to any other service I had experienced. I signed up on a photography course and this was the point that my recovery really started. I'd always wondered what people who didn't drink or do drugs did with their time. I bought my self a second-hand camera and went out taking photos. It helped take my mind off wanting to do drugs. Having a support network of people around you that genuinely believe in you and care about you has saved my life. Even when the course was cut short because of lock down, staff still phoned me twice a week to offer support and even sent little care packages out to me.
My photography is really taking off. I’ve been contacted by a company that paid for me to go to London and put me up in hotels. I’ve collaborated with other artists; I’ve had commissions to do personalised pieces of work including Suggs from the band Madness.
My life has changed so much. I have moved on from the hostels and have my own flat. I am also having plans put into place to get custody of my daughter, I now have a good relationship with my parents. I have even started a degree in Photography.
None of this would be a possibility without support from The Matthew Project."
